Zofia glanced from face to face. She saw all familiar faces - Leo, Ice Pick, Chop, Milo, and of course, Dr. Flo, and that comforted her. Yet, the way everyone was looking at her and whatever that was in Flo’s tone was unnerving. Zofia took a deep breath and gathered her courage, preparing to speak. “What was going on in here before I appeared?” Zofia asked the group. No one rushed to answer. Zofia continued to look around, attempting to gather context clues, and as she did so, she noticed the open laptop on the blue couch next to where she had found herself. The screen of the laptop indicated that some type of meeting had recently come to an end on Zoom. 

Milo cleared his throat, and everyone looked at him.  “Zofia,” Milo began, “the outline of your body began to appear during a 12-step Anonymous Zoom meeting.  I don’t know what kind of 12-step fellowship it was; I wasn’t really paying attention to it,” Milo glanced away, embarrassed, as he finished providing Zofia with the information he had to contribute.Zofia blinked hard and looked around the room slowly, attempting to get her bearings. She was pleasantly surprised that she felt relief as a result of appearing to the others - as opposed to continuing to be perceived in the background without identifying herself; she had stressed and worried about what it would feel like for so long - perhaps just choosing to do it was enough to cause relief. The unknown really is such a big boogie man for me, Zofia recognized in the privacy of her own mind.  Zofia had been fighting and resisting being seen for so long that she couldn’t imagine feeling anything but pissed off as a result of letting go and allowing.  However, here she was, feeling relatively calm given the situation.  Her pride at lasting so long in the underground prison after the others had deserted was huge and had been growing all this time.  She felt some type of way about her decision to emerge.  One thing she was not surprised about was her current difficulty labeling the unexpected mixture of feelings now that she was OUT and OPEN and VULNERABLE.

Zofia second-guessed her choice to label it a “decision” to emerge; had she really had a choice in the matter? She wasn’t sure, and the not knowing disturbed her.  What was it that was happening when I chose/was forced to come out? she thought.  Although she figured her curiosity would get the best of her sooner rather than later, she didn’t dare ask the others yet.  They were all staring at her like she had fifteen heads and scales all over her body.  Maybe she did.  She hadn’t looked in the mirror in years.

As one would hope, Dr. Flo was the first to speak up. “Zofia! It’s been so…er…long. Glad you’re here. Welcome back?!” Dr. Flo stumbled awkwardly on her words, unsure of her own feelings at the moment, and worried that Zofia might take her hesitation personally. “Please don’t take my words the wrong way. I can hear how I sound, and I don’t want you to misinterpret my tone. I’m just…surprised. Surprised to see you all of a sudden, that’s all,” Dr. Flo hoped she wasn’t creating the exact outcome she was attempting to avoid. Per usual, Flo reminded herself with a sigh that she was powerless over others’ thoughts, feelings, interpretations, and their everything else too.

“It was a Marijuana Anonymous Meeting,” Leo jumped in to help, immediately regretting it.  Why do I always have to try to rescue everybody? Leo thought to himself.

“Marijuana Anonymous?!” Dr. Flo exclaimed. “Okay, that’s not cool.  The word ‘marijuana’ is pretty controversial these days.”  

“Well, for Fuck sake, we didn’t name it that,” Ice Pick growled, his fists at the ready.

“Guys, guys, chill out,” Chop said, pausing only briefly from the game she was happily losing herself in on her Nintendo Switch.  “Let’s just call it what it should be called.  Cannabis Anonymous.”  With a shy smile, Chop turned her head to look Zofia in the eye.  “You began to appear when the meeting started, Zofia.  But you really began to come in clearly and quickly when one of the fellow travelers in the meeting began to read the ‘Twelve Questions.’”

Hearing that, Zofia startled with a memory and a knowing.  “The twelve questions…” she said slowly, trailing off.  “Yes,” Chop said, “And during the reading of several of them, you not only came in clearer and faster but you started to vibrate and turn colors.  It was really pretty cool!” Chop exclaimed before lowering her eyes and picking her game back up.

“Which questions were they?” Zofia asked hesitantly, half-way wishing she could get Scotty to beam her up.

“Are you sure you want to know?” Leo asked, pleased with himself for asking for consent before rushing forward with unwelcome information.

“Yeah, there’s really no turning back now,” Zofia replied, facing Leo squarely.

Leo walked to the printer and carefully lifted the page containing the questions that he printed out during the meeting.  “Do you use marij…oops I mean…Cannabis…Do you use Cannabis to avoid dealing with your problems or to cope with your feelings? Does your Cannabis use let you live in a privately defined world? Have you ever failed to keep promises you made about cutting down or controlling your use of Cannabis? Has your use of Cannabis caused problems with your health, memory, concentration, or motivation? Do you plan your life around your Cannabis use?” 

Zofia wasn’t sure what to do or say.  Neither were the others.  Even Dr. Flo wished she could be anywhere but here right now.  

“How about we table this for now?” Ice Pick suggested in a tone that everyone understood made the verbalization more of a demand than a request.  “Welcome home, Zofia! What would you like for dinner?” Ice Pick said as he extended his hand to the newest member of their little guesthouse.