News Flash: “Nobody’s getting out alive”—from In These Rooms

“…Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same…”--Nelson Mandela

I am the child of a God who is fearfully and wonderfully made. I am made a little lower than the Angels and crowned with glory and honor. I’m all this even with the wreckage of my past. I am loved and cherished by my Higher Power with all I’ve been thru and done. I’m reminded of this poster I had on the wall in my bedroom when I was in high school. It was a poster for the United Negro College Fund. It was of this little boy standing in front of a dirt shack. His clothes are old, too small and tattered. The caption on the poster read “…God made me and God don’t make junk…” Like the rest of God’s Children, I am that little boy on my best day. This is my story but it’s better than living someone else’s fucking life in my shoes.

Because of this, I see things. I see a world where vital people make the vital difference instead of just moving the fucking deck chairs on the Titanic. I see a world where I can make a difference by dealing with me, the man in the mirror. It’s said “…wherever I go, there I am…” I believe “…when we see things differently, we can be things differently…” I’m grateful. I’m grateful I see opportunities to be the difference I want to see. This Cat was offering opportunities to go into jails with the book and message of sobriety. I started to volunteer. Then I thought, ‘that’s how someone else sees making their difference.’ The good book I read says “… you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free…” People don’t need charity; they need freedom. Hell, I see platforms where these same damned individuals can see themselves the way I see myself. I see them being, doing and having the same shit I fucking aspire to be, do and have. I don’t see that merely coming from no damn book on sobriety.

We are spiritual beings having a human experience. The human experience is an invention; it's a fucking game. Not getting this is the fucking game playing us instead of us playing the game. We stop playing the fucking game when we answer the Call to make manifest the glory of God within us. Let it be said of my blackass, I answered this fucking Call.

“…I reasoned in my mind; I have a right to liberty or death. I was gonna have one or the other…”--Harriet Tubman

I answered this Call because of what I see. I see a better day and brighter tomorrow. I see the power in sharing my story, the good, bad and the ugly. I see the freedom in sharing with world the mystery of why God chose me and uses me the way He does. 

To do otherwise, is to have a best friend my whole life but never see or show the world his damn face. I believe this is the fucking courage to be regardless of the damn outcome. This is accepting my mortality. Today is all the fuck I have. I’m using every ounce of it go down swinging for the things I can see, not what others see. When I get knocked down, fuck it. I’m getting back up.

Out of the night that covers me,

     Black as the pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

     For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

     I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

     My head is bloody, but unbowed.

--Invictus

News Flash: Only what we do for our Higher Power lasts. God is everything or nothing. I’m learning daily who I am and who I’m serving. I’m learning daily the power and freedom in being grateful for life one fucking day at a time. I learn daily the meaning of answering His Call. I thank my lucky stars daily He and those who came before me aren’t thru with my blackass yet.

Read more about the Hunter story In These Rooms.

The Struggle Continues...

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