39-year-old investment banker
In spite of a childhood Autism diagnosis, is to become the richest Jamaican on the planet while making a dent in history.Follow my tag on Twitter
I remember what life was like when things had me. I don’t ever want to go back there again. Remembering WHY is how I will keep from going back there. This my message. This is my WHY.
t’s said time is money. I lived with this mindset for the longest time, no pun intended. This was the prevailing way I saw the world. I was wrong. Today, time is a motivator. Time occurs to me as my opportunity to make the greatest difference I can make in life and have my living be of maximum benefit and value to others. Today, time motivates me to do and give my best Maan. When I think of time, I am reminded of the saying, “…Enjoy your life. It’s later than you think.
I was stuck in a cycle of pain that made stuff my master. I thought I was free because I had anything and everything money could buy. I thought this was the definition of cool. I thought I had it, as they say, going on. I spent my life buying things I didn’t really need to impress people I didn’t even like. I didn’t have a life. I had an existence. I thought The Coolest Part of life was playing God.
My struggles with material concerns and desires consumed me, Maan. I thought I had money and stuff but they had me. I still struggle with demons of the past and regrets for the years I spent investing time and energy in existence instead of living. I’m still haunted by thoughts of what could have been had I known then what I know about life today. I hate the years I spent defining myself according to what I had and people by what they had or could do for me.
I know existing and I know living. I don’t want to ever go back to just existing. Existing is living so far below my means and who I am. I had things but never felt I measured up. Existing was never becoming who I really am nor what my Higher Power wanted me to be and become. This is leaving below my means.
Money had me. I was desperate to be free of bondage to material things. I thought I was living and defined life and my success by the stuff I could accumulate. Though I had plenty of money and material blessings, yes my life had become unmanageable. It’s said “…we either get busy living or we get busy dying…” I was desperate to get busy living.
I come from a close-knit family on the surface, Maan. That is the surface. I have learned the hard way family is one book that should not be judged by its cover. Family drama can be some of the most hurtful and painful drama. This fact is particularly true if and when money is involved.
I thought my problems were solved because I had money. I thought the money was the key to success and happiness. I thought I would always be happy, joyous and free because of my money. I thought I had money and things. I did get or think money and things had me. This is insanity. This is bondage. This is the Inside Job.
I am not where I want to be, Maan, but I’m not where I was. I’m still about money. My love and attachment to material and financial stuff doesn’t completely change overnight. I know I am a work in progress. I’m learning the real meaning of progress not perfection and to take one day at a time. The work I am doing is simple but it ain’t easy. I’m also waiting to see my promises materialize.
In The Mirror, I see how materialistic concerns have consumed my interest and attention. In The Mirror, I am honestly able to look me in the eyes and be real about who’s looking back. I’m learning to like who and what I see In The Mirror. In The Mirror, I have found a new lease on life. I like what I am seeing today In The Mirror. Most importantly, I like and I am learning to love who I see In The Mirror these days.
I can’t be anything if I don’t have money. I believed this most of my life. I let this belief control my thinking and my life. It controlled me to my core. I am blessed today to know this is not true. I am and can do much more than I ever thought possible with or without money. I thank God today for the awareness and understanding I Can.
I used to regret the past, Maan. I used to feel I had wasted time chasing material things. I am thankful today that the past has become a door for me to walk into a present and a future greater than I could ever have asked or imagined. I have the opportunity to make a difference today greater than I ever thought. I owe my understanding of this opportunity to the past. I don’t regret it. I understand as part of my life’s work and challenges. I’ve learned to stop regretting the past and to embrace it.
My Bucket List is about people and relationships Maan. Yes, I want to travel and see the world but what is seeing the world if you’re not with those you love. My Bucket List is about that. I want to see the world and deepen the loving friendship and relationships that define life and allow me to be a blessing to others. I thank God today I have a Bucket List.
Happy New Year Maan. May we all find in 2022 new joys, hope and peace. May we be set free to lead and be lead. May we learn in 2022 how to handle situations which used to baffle us. May we realize in this new year our Higher Power is doing for us what we have not and would not do for ourselves. May we be Blessed.
Merry Christmas. Christmas means something beyond the material Maan. Christmas means something for me today it never meant before. Christmas was always for me about stuff and material gain. Christmas was always more about receiving than about giving. Christmas was about a marker or milestone of how I scored my successes and failures. The season has been about the big and beautiful things of my world. I lost my mother a few weeks ago. This will be the first Christmas without her. It will mean many good things for me, I hope. I know for sure it won’t mean anything material I wait n hopeful anticipation to see what this Christmas will mean. This is Christmas 2021.
…Money was my covering. The Power to be the difference I want to see in this world is my Covering today Maan. This is the covering that gets me up in the morning. This is the covering that gives me peace when I lay my head down at night. I’ve found experience, strength and hope in this covering. I’m in a better place today and I’m enjoying my life like never before. Why? Probably because my ass is no longer exposed or on fire.
What matters for me to remember Maan is what it’s taken to be where I am today. I see my life as a beautiful but unexpected journey. I never thought I’d be where I am today. I thought I had a good life. I had most things I thought I ever wanted. People, places and things were under my control. So, I thought. I didn’t have them, they had me. I got here by acknowledging and addressing this truth. I have been delusional. I thought I had things while they had me. I know this now. I got here by embracing this reality. I got here by remembering how I got here. That’s what matters to me. What matters to me now is not where I’ve been in the past but how and why I was there and what I’m going to make of this. This is the remembering that matters and is important to me today.
Remembering When is a line in the sand for me Maan. Remembering When is like a before and after of my life. I remember who I was before my Higher Power set me free from my bondage to money and materiality. Remembering When is how I know I am different and can celebrate the freedom from bondage to money I enjoy today. I remember how miserable my life used to be though I had plenty of money and celebrated my material wealth and financial success. I didn’t just have and enjoy things; they had me. They consumed me and my world. Remembering When, I have vowed with the strength and hope of my Higher Power never to go back across that line in the sand. This is my Remembering When.
My haunting has been money Maan. Money has haunted me my entire life. Money, and the love of it, used to be on my mind from the time I woke up until I laid my head down at night. Money determined relationships, business and my view of world and what was important. If it didn’t afford me the opportunity to make money, it wasn’t important. I didn’t have time for it. Money haunted every aspect of my life. That was then, this is now. As I pause to reflect on my years on this planet, I know The Haunting is real and has been a large part of my existence. I thank my Higher Power for His Presence. It’s Thanksgiving and I am thankful today and every day my life is no longer defined by The Haunting of money.
Expecting A Miracle is how I now seek to live each day of my life. I’ve lived much of my life allowing money to define my existence and shape my reality. I expected to receive in life what money can buy, would buy and have bought. Money use to singularly determine my expectations. If money didn’t or couldn’t make it happen Maan, it just was not happening. Being set free from this material bondage, this is Expecting A Miracle. The freedom to see the world thru this new set of eyes is Expecting A Miracle. Having been set free to see the world differently and myself differently, this is Expecting A Miracle.
My Own Skin is about being and making a difference. My Own Skin is the hope I have that my life and living Maan will one day not be in vain. My Own Skin is living into the potential I was born with not just the life of comfort and convenience I have lived most of my life. My Own Skin is the dissatisfaction I feel with myself when I live beneath my God-given potential. I have not lived a life being good in My Own Skin. I have listened to the voices and demands of others and lived according to the values and dictates of the world. I have worshiped the golden calf of money. My Own Skin is knowing better Maan and doing better.
Forgiveness Maan is a damn good thing. I have needed and received a lot of Forgiveness in my life. I regret I have not been more willing to forgive others. I have made plenty of mistakes in life and been very consumed with my own business, cares and concerns. People have forgiven me despite my being consumed with self and often indifferent to their needs. Maan I am where I am, have a lot of what I have and achieved a lot of what I achieved because people have forgiven me. Forgiveness is a big reason why I am what I am and where I am. Forgiveness is a damn good thing. Maybe tomorrow I will find the courage to share some Forgiveness with others
The Shadow is some important stuff Maan. I look at my life and see My Shadow driving me in directions that benefit me but not others too much. My Shadow is me moving on things I want with little regard for the needs and concerns of others. My Shadow is how I have learned to twist life to get, do and have what I want. My Shadow is me manipulating and engineering life to my connivance and desires. I enjoy My Shadow but this Shadow shit is all consuming and draining. I want more for my life than what My Shadow thinks best. The problem is I think I need to check with My Shadow. That’s the power of My Shadow. It’s an inside job. This shadow shit is some powerful stuff Maan.
In The Shadows is not making the difference in this world God created me to make. In The Shadows, I reduced my life to money and material success. In The Shadows, I judged people by the value they brought to me and the things they could do for me. In The Shadows, I believed I ran with and I had to be one of life’s beautiful people. In The Shadows has been a constant and ugly refrain in my life I wanted and needed to change. Like some Bad Juju Maan, life In The Shadows threatened all I truly valued and held dear. I am thankful today I have been set free to achieve my true purpose and to use my time, talent and treasure to make a difference in this world. I thank my God Maan I have been set free from my life In The Shadows.
I now realize a life lived in the pursuit of success instead of fulfillment is A Thrown Life. Achievement and success, this is the path I’ve been on; this is how I have defined life. Anything that has taken me off this course or path I have seen as a distraction or an obstacle to be smashed. I thought I was living by judging life and my success by how effectively I could use money and resources to keep hardship and drama out of my life and out of my way. This was how I defined success and living Maan. But life has shown me something different and something better. Living isn’t the avoidance of hardship or difficulties. Life is overcoming the challenges in order to make a difference for myself and others. This is what the hell fulfillment is about. How do I use my life and all my stuff, including my challenges and difficult moments, as channels for growth and opportunities to make of this world a better place? When I stay on this path, I am living. I am no longer living A Thrown Life. Now I am living Maan.
Money is a magnifier. Whatever we are without it, we are more of the same with it Maan. Character Building has taught me this. I thought the money made me something. I was all wrong. I have not had to live with financial challenges by birth and choice. But I didn’t like my life much with all my money. I wanted more. I wanted what money couldn’t buy. I wanted and needed to make a difference. I wanted more than wealth. I wanted character; I wanted to be a Man of character. This is Character Building to me. There’s a better way to live. That’s what Character Building has taught me. Searching for a better way to live, I found Character Building is being authentic. Character Building is finding the strength to share the money and the love. Character Building is the gratitude I feel knowing I won’t be put in the ground without making a difference in this world. I am grateful I know life is about so much more than money. That’s Character Building Maan.
Money over mission; worshiping man and mammon. That’s Bondage. Been there Man and done that. Money no longer makes me nor defines how I look at life. Make no mistake; it's good having money. Damn good and I've made plenty of it. But it no longer affects my attitude toward life nor people. Today, I am using it instead of allowing it to control me. I am using it to make a difference in this world.