I spent years thinking and blaming white people, the man, for my problems and the problems of the world. Remembering WHY doesn’t remove the world of its demons nor people. Remembering WHY has helped me stop blaming others and focusing on others. This has helped me get the focus on who I am, who God made me to be and who today I want to become.

Looking back, I’ve spent plenty of time regretting the past. I’ve spent time dwelling on the negativities of life and playing and going thru life on the defensive. I’ve spent time focusing on the ways I felt life sucked. I’ve wasted years focusing on things that were beyond my control. What a waste of time? I think my biggest waste of time in life has been believing in what people, places and things could do for me. That’s the definition of a waste of time.

I know about playing the victim and staying enslaved to my past. For years, I allowed the past to define my present and limit my future. I thought I was the things I had done and what others said and thought about me. This was low thinking I allowed to get the best of me. This was me living life according to how I thought I look in other people’s eyes. This was low self-esteem that had me living below my means. There’s nothing cool about this shit.

I’m no longer what I did. I’m no longer what was done to me. I am what I chose to become. I am a beautiful child of God struggling to become all I can become. I hope tomorrow I will be more than I was yesterday and even today. I’m learning today what it means to be brutally honest with myself about myself.

Existence is living life on other people’s terms and according to the dictates of others. Existence is being pushed down and hard pressed by people, places and things. Existence is feeling crushed and forsaken by life. I know what it means to just exist.

I used to have this rage and hatred in me that was at times uncontrollable. These feelings cost me friends and relationships in the past. I hated the way I felt or was made to feel because of the color of my skin. I wanted to the other. I wanted to be like my tormentors. I was trying hard to emulate and sometimes assimilate. I wanted to be accepted. I was desperate like this. I made it my business to keep how I was feeling and felt a secret. It’s said In These Rooms we are as sick as our secrets. My desperation was rooted in my secret.

I learned the hard way, and have the scars to show for it, that people, places and things closest to me don’t always mean me good. It’s said that when the enemy comes for us, he always comes to us and at us thru those closest to us. Ain’t that the damn truth.

I thought my problems were caused by people who didn’t look like me, impacting me. I thought the man was my problem and people who looked like the man and not like me. I thought what other people thought of me was what I needed to be and become. I thought I was how I thought I looked in other people’s eyes. I thought living up to other people’s expectations made me somebody. I thought I could be and become something and somebody by running from my past. This is The Inside Job.

I sometimes struggle with knowing where I am going in life. I sometimes struggle with doubt about how I will get there. I know I’ve come a long way. I have a long way to go. I’m not where I wanna be. I’m glad I am where I am today. We’ll see where I am tomorrow. We’ll see what the promises bring.

In the Mirror, I see who I am thru the hurt, pain and trauma of the past. In The Mirror, I see how they have troubled me. In The Mirror, the BS falls away and I must get real about the real me. In The Mirror, I’m learning to live. In The Mirror, I’m finding the strength to keep moving in the direction of my dreams. In The Mirror, I’m learning to see and trust in the power of God. It’s all In The Mirror.

I can’t love and forgive people who have hurt me. I thought carrying grudges was being a man. I thought being mean spirited was the way to travel but today I can and do better.

I struggled to find meaning in the past until I accepted there are no guarantees in life. Life is full of conflicts and is conflicted. It’s also true history has shown us anything is possible. I no longer struggle to find meaning in the past because I have found the power in choice. I heard it said the oldest choice known to man is to choose to play the victim. I have the power to choose to make something of my past instead of playing the victim. I’ve stopped struggling with the past and I am taking active steps to make something new and good of it.

My Bucket List is about music and fulfillment. I’m about music being how I make a difference in this world. I’m about fulfillment being how I want to feel when it’s time for them to put me in the ground. My Bucket List is loving life and learning more and more daily how to love the people in it. My Bucket List is a bucket of wisdom and greater understanding and strength for living an empowered life.

Happy New Year. May we all be the change we want to see and experience in the New Year. May we fall in love in 2022 with the man or woman in the mirror and share this love with others.

Merry Christmas. Christmas means the best of humanity has the last word. Christmas means we are in the world but not of it. We are of the Light of the World celebrated this Season by people and of many Faiths. Let us pause and give thanks to the Eternal for the Light that has come into the World. This is Christmas.

I’ve learned there’s power in having the courage to be radically vulnerable. I don’t know if this covering is about me or it’s about my Higher Power. I know being authentic is making me feel better about me and life. I’ve had difficulty with authority. I think this stems from unresolved tension and stuff with my father. As I’m finding my strength to be authentic and at times radically vulnerable, I am becoming less judgmental. I find I’m having less issues with authority figures like my old man.

I’m on Holiday. I’ll get with you good people next time.

Remembering When is remembering those who came before me. Remembering When is the debt I owe to those who made sacrifices in the past for my freedom and wellbeing. Remembering When is remembering my life is not my own. It has been said “…If you see a turtle on a fence post, you know one thing for sure. He didn’t get there by himself…” Remembering When is remembering I didn’t get here by myself. I don’t enjoy the freedom I enjoy today by myself. I get this today and live with purpose and gratitude daily because I have found the goodness, grace and gratitude that are the bottom line of Remembering When.

The Haunting is racist and racial memories from my past I have struggled to overcome instead of allowing them to devour my spirit and keep me from experiencing true love. I have a brother, and partner in crime as it were, from another mother I am as close to as any person on this earth. He is white. If I continued to let The Haunting of racist and racial memories to rule and reign in my life, I could never and would never have this beautiful and loving relationship. The Haunting is a force in my life I thank my Higher Power I’ve had the courage to confront face to face and man to man and declare “…Yes, you are a part of me and the story that is my life. But, while you may be along for the ride, you don’t get to drive or control where life is taking me…” I’m glad to know a power in my life greater and more focused on the best in me and humankind than The Haunting. I glad I have my brother from another mother in spite of The Haunting.

Expecting A Miracle is choosing to believe and see the best in humanity despite the bull shit and ugliness that is a part of this world. Expecting A Miracle is not allowing the prejudice and racism I have known from my youth to consume me and any longer cause me to hate my fellow man. I have been angry and hated my white brothers and sisters based on how those of their race had treated me in the past. I was angry to point of wanting to do them harm both physically, mentally, emotionally and financially and felt and believed they deserved all of it based on past wrongs and perceived injustices. Expecting A Miracle is knowing firsthand my Higher Power has set met free from that shit and can and will set me free as I continue to move forward on this journey trusting, believing and hoping in his power and not my own. Expecting A Miracle is seeing in the shit life brings my and throws at me ultimately God’s Hand at work and a deeper step forward in my walk with Him.

My Own Skin is something I’ve had to learn get comfortable in. Being black in America can make My Own Skin a source of constant consternation and torment. Things like DWB (Driving While Black) remind me daily that My Own Skin doesn’t make living life happy, joyous and free any damn cake walk. My Own Skin can make life a daily blessing and a curse. But dam-it, I can say with sister Maya Angelou “…I wouldn’t take nothing for my journey now…” In spite of whatever shit life brings my way, I know deep in my soul My Own Skin is the gift my God, who sits high but looks low and doesn’t make mistakes, has given me to make a difference in this world and to be a blessing to others. I wouldn’t take nothing for my journey now because I’ve found in My Own Skin the power and a story that has what is greatly needed to change and make of this world a better place.

Forgiveness keeps me sane. Acceptance of life on life’s terms is acceptance of who I am, where I am and where I’ve come from. Forgiveness is acceptance of me for who and what I am. This shit hasn’t been easy but I’m sane and healthy today because I’ve made it work. I had a lot of feelings anger from my past to overcome. I grew up hated and hating others. I was angry because I was black growing up in a white world and I had to make it the best fucking way I could. Sure, I went along to get along but in the pit of my stomach I hated white people and the fact that I had to hide and suppress my true feelings to survive in that world. These are not the feelings that produce forgiveness nor acceptance. These are not the feelings that taught me to forgive or accept myself. Today, I have. I have forgiven myself for what I have endured and how I had been scared because of it. I accept life on life terms as acknowledging I can’t change the past but also understanding there’s a great purpose behind all this shit.

My Shadow is the experiences from my past that haunt me to this day. My Shadow is what I have lived thru and experienced that I can’t let go of. My Shadow is who I am when I am who I am burdens, bullshit and all my blackness. I see My Shadow as all I am standing naked before my God smiling. My Shadow is me, the real me but also not all of me. I’m learning to understand and embrace My Shadow. I'm learning to no longer reject My Shadow. I’m learning I need work and to work on My Shadow. I am a work in progress like everyone else. I am learning to accept other people and their Shadows because I want people to accept and understand me and My Shadow. With this, My life and My Shadow can make a difference in this world. Power to people and their Shadows set free to make a difference. This is My Shadow.

My Own Skin is something I’ve had to learn to get comfortable in. Being black in America, My Own Skin a source of constant consternation and even torment. Things like DWB (Driving While Black) remind me daily that My Own Skin doesn’t make living life happy, joyous and free any damn cake walk. My Own Skin can make life a daily blessing and a curse. But dam-it, I can say with sister Maya Angelou “…I wouldn’t take nothing for my journey now…” In spite of whatever shit life brings my way, I know deep in my soul, My Own Skin is the gift my God, who sits high but looks low and doesn’t make mistakes, has given me to make a difference in this world and to be a blessing to others. I wouldn’t take nothing for my journey now because I’ve found in My Own Skin the power and a story that is greatly needed to change and make of this world a better place.

From where I sit, we’re all Real Addicts if our focus is on other-inflicted wounds and not our self-inflicted wounds. My community ain’t In These Rooms but it’s a community of Real Addicts. We are addicted to the same old scripts and storylines of playing the victim and carrying the baggage of American victimization.

I come to these rooms to hear something and learn something for my people. People In These Rooms have a lot of nice sounding words. But I’m listening for stories that lead to action that transforms people’s lives at the street-level. I know people, and have the scars to prove it, who‘ve talked a lot of shit to my face and then stabbed my ass in the damn back. These people talk about the man and the shit the white man is doing to us while they undermine our people and our community. We need to hear from more thought leaders and fewer race hustlers. I’m listening for them stories that end in empowerment and transformation not that communal and personal betrayal bullshit. Real Talk.

My Ego was bruised from an early age. Raised in the predominantly white neighborhoods on the so-called better side of town, the kids called me nigger so much I thought it was my middle name. I ran with other privileged white and black youth who did the same shit; drugs, theft, sex. I grew up feeling insecure, with a debilitating sense of unworthiness despite the privileged neighborhood where I grew up. You name it and I did it, seemingly escaping the consequences of my actions. But my Ego didn’t escape any of this shit. It was tortured, it raged, it was confused, and it has always been confrontational; that’s been its Amigo. I went to my high school class reunion with my life partner a few years back. This guy named Dan came up to us and was telling my life partner what I was like back then. Dan said to Kathleen “...Man he was always in trouble; he was always fighting...” My Ego felt used, abused and confused. But its Amigo has definitely been kicking ass and taking names from way back. Hell yeah. My Ego has him a damn Amigo.

This is a despicable attempt to raise money and use other people’s pain to advance her brand. She is a disgraceful petty bourgeois black politician. I wouldn’t vote for her black ass for dog catcher!!!

The only legitimate response on the part of any courageous political leader is to get your ass in the street and bring the masses to Washington and demand the immediate impeachment of the White Nationalist occupying the White House. Anything less is the same shit different day perpetuated by the same gutless bastards we keep returning to office year after year!!!

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As received in an email from the Kamala Harris for President Campaign:

Yesterday in El Paso, 20 people lost their lives at a shopping mall. It was a Saturday afternoon. They were killed by a man with an assault rifle, and it was over in minutes.

And then, late last night, nine people were killed during a mass shooting at a bar in Dayton, Ohio, by a man wearing body armor, wielding what has been described as an “assault-style weapon.” The shooting lasted no more than 1 minute.

This is life in America in 2019. People are killed by guns in schools, at festivals, at concerts, at places of worship, in malls, and at picnics -- everywhere people live their lives. El Paso was the 250th mass shooting in America this year, and Dayton is 251.

This doesn’t happen anywhere else. It happens in America because our so-called leaders lack the courage to act. And frankly, I’ve had enough. Have you?

As President, I will ask Congress to place comprehensive gun reform on my desk within 100 days. If they fail to act, I will take action. Here is what I will do:

• I will revoke the licenses of gun manufacturers and dealers that break the law and take the most egregious offenders to court.
• I will mandate the most comprehensive background checks in history by requiring anyone who sells more than five guns in a year to run a background check on all gun sales.
•  And I will ban the importation of AR-15-style assault weapons into the United States.

These are actions well within the powers of the presidency. And I will take them. This is a public health emergency that needs to be addressed.

No more thoughts and prayers. We need action. If you’re with me, split a contribution to Giffords, the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence, and Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense in America.

DONATE »

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Thank you for adding your voice to this fight. We can’t accept this as normal in America. We have to act, and we have to act now.

For the People,

— Kamala Harris

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Aww shit!! It’s yo favorite mutherfuckin DJ heatin things up on this Ferocious Friday.  I wanna dedicate today’s show to one the realest MC’s of all time, Tupac Shakur.  He was more than rap; he was a hip-hop icon that had the power to change a generation.  The revolutionary spirit was in his blood and he was killed before he could finish his mission.  Who will pick up the torch and speak for the voiceless masses in 2019?

I’m looking for 5 MC’s to wreck the mic live in the studio.  Who want it with the Wrecked America Cypher challenge?  Drop me a line at X@wreckedamerica.com with CYPHER in the subject line.  Are you the truth?

What tha fuck is good in the hood?  It’s ya favorite mutherfuckin DJ, wired up on a Monday morning with no caffeine, just 100 percent pure adrenaline cause I’m so mutherfuckin lit that this week’s show is gonna be off the chain!  I’m working on something special for the show that I’m bout ta drop real soon so stay tuned and keep sending that heat!  H-Town got some cats that’s hungry…and they eating.  We finna bring ya’ll the Last Supper.  Bars over Bullshit… I’m out.

Last week was crazy.  We had some really talented artist come thru and set Wrecked America on FIRE!  Special shout out to Smurphzilla for sending in his song Everybody Hates Chris, if you dug it, you can find his info @Smurphzillagangbang on IG.  Special shout out to the one and only B1 of the Martell Cartel for sending his song On Butta feat. Flea of Street Military.  You can find B1 and more of his music on IG @_Russell_Redd.  And last but not least my boy 100 Stackz came thru with his song She On It and closed the show.  The song was hot and the beat was fire.  If you wanna hear that whole song be sure to find him on IG @YoungBlackExec.  I can’t wait to see what HeatSeekers come thru next week.  Don’t forget to vote on the @wreckedamerica IG to decide who brought the BARS, or who you think was BULLSHIT.  That first was X-ceptional!

Calling all underground rap artists, this is the place to be. Check the Wrecked America Friday podcast to see who your competition is in the city. You can sit on the sidelines and listen or you can submit your music and get in the game.

Sup family? It’s ya boy X, host of Wrecked America’s Friday music podcast. My team searches the city for the hottest up and coming talent the Hip Hop community has to offer. On my show I’ll cover a few news stories that involve the culture of Hip Hop as well as shine a light on those MC’s bubbling just below the surface.

I have a segment called Bars over Bullshit where MC’s send in their song and we play a clip for our listeners.  If it's hot, we encourage the listeners to vote BARS on our Instagram page alongside the artist’s name. If you think its trash type BULLSHIT on the Instagram page alongside that artist’s name.  I’ll accept audio or video to be featured on the show, just make sure you come with that flame, that ether, or you will get roasted! If you got that fire, you may be asked to join my label in Wrecked America where I’ll pay you to record a song, not as yourself but as your Wrecked America alter ego (Badass Superhero).

I supply the music, the recording facility, the promotion and distribution you just bring the bars. My label Straight Out Productions is about giving you another way to promote your skill and grow your audience.  Holla at ya boy if you think you got what it takes!