I remember that I haven’t been thru shit to let people ever fuck over me again. That shit ain’t happenin. I’ve been thru shit to fuckin help somebody else not to get jacked like I did. No matter what’s going down, I’m keepin it 100. I ain’t takin no more fuckin wooden nickels. I remember the what’s and the why’s of life. Remembering WHY is a whole lot fuckin better.

People spend time they don’t have, doin shit that ain’t goin make a fuckin bit of difference, tryin to impress motherfuckers they don’t even like. What a fucking waste of time? Then, they use spiritual coop out, excuse of, blamin shit on God’s Time. Give me a F in break. I’m gettin rich or die tryin fuckin today. Ain’t got time for shit that ain’t happenin.

Playin the victim and stayin stuck in the past, I think that shit is the definition of insanity. Ain’t nothin cool about that shit at all. If shit holds you down or holds you back, get the fuck over it. I’m not what I did. I’m not what others have tried to do to me or say about my black ass. I am fuckin who I choose to become. I choose to be what provides the greatest return on investment for the shit that has come my way.

I’m done payin for the shit from the past. The cost of dwellin on the past and allowin that shit to define the present or control the future is to fuckin great. I paid for that shit for years but not fuckin today. Ain’t no stoppin my blackass now. I’m on the move. I got places to go, things to do, people to see and money to make. I ain’t got fuckin time to be dwelling on or stuck in the fuckin past.

Mere existence is listenin to and learnin from fools. Show me your damn bank statement and your calendar and I tell you if your ass is livin or existin. I can also tell from them if your ass is a fool or not. Fuck existin. My black ass is about livin large and in charge.

Always, I mean always being about the money. That’s a fuckin gift. If it can’t be monetized, the shit ain’t a gift. That shit is somebody’s damn illusion but not fucking mine. I’m down with the four B’s: the Ball, the Business, the Brand and the Box office. If it ain’t about one of them B’s, I ain’t desperate for it nor fuckin interest in it.

People say blood is thicker than water. Not when them Negroes is tore up from the floor and don’t mean my black ass a bit of fucking good. Give my ass some water every day of the week and twice on Sunday when it comes to that family shit. Yeah, you shall know and live the truth and the truth will help set your blackass free.

Way way long time ago, I use to give a damn about what others fuckin thought about me. Man, that shit was so long ago I don’t even know who the fuck that was. If I ever go down and, I’m going down swinging and fuckin takin somebody’s ass with me. When the fuck they put me in the ground, it won’t be because of The Inside Job. My God is greater than all that shit.

Promises. Promises mean I don’t let trouble or being in trouble get my ass down. Promises mean I am His and He is mine. Promises mean I don’t gotta. I get to fuckin be me. I hold to this peace in all things. The rest of life shit will take care of its damn self.

In The Mirror, I like, no, I love me some me. In The Mirror, I love what I see and the man lookin back at me. In The Mirror, that badass I am shines the brightest. In The Mirror, I’ve learned the only thing worse than the shit and struggles I’ve been thru is going thru it all and not findin a way to monetize it. That’s wisdom, that shit is In The Mirror

I can’t unilaterally disarm. I can do anything but I fuckin won’t. This is growth for me. I have transformed my can’t(s) to won’t(s). Yep, that’s growth.

You dam right I ain’t regrettin’ the fuckin’ past. I want them to make that shit as profitable as hell. That’s transformation for me. Gettin’ paid for the shit I been thru, that’s transformation. I ain’t go thru shit for nothing. I ain’t nobody’s fool. I’m about turnin’ regrets into some damn Return On Investment (ROI).

My Bucket List. This shit is simple. Get rich or die tryin. What else is there, really? I don’t intend to leave this earth without makin my mark. This shit takes money. Like Sean Anderson once told me, “…No money no mission…” The Benjamins are at the top of my Bucket List baby. Keeping it 100, my Bucket List keeps it moving. This shit is life or death.

Happy New Year. May your new year be filled with a lot of good shit. May your 2022 be blessed with these three words- Venmo the Payment. I know mine will.

Merry Christmas. We still live in a material world. Christmas don’t change that. On this side of eternity, Christmas is as good as it gets but we still better have some concerns about our economic security. If you don’t get that, it’s not just Christmas time, it’s also time to have your head examined. Celebrate the Joy of Christmas but keep one eye cocked on your fellowman who might be trying to celebrate with his hand in your damn pocket. This is the real deal on Christmas.

I’m down with this shit big time. I’m always down with focusin on the shit that’s in my best interest and puts a positive spin on the narrative I’m tellin. In other words, if ain’t cheatin, I ain’t tryin. I’m all about doing whatever I can or saying what I need to say that will tilt the scales in my favor. Y’all might call what I should remember that matters authentic lived truth. Here’s what I know: there’s at least two sides two every story and then there’s what’s accepted as truth. What I’m accepting as truth is the fuckin outcome where I come out on top. Doin any less is me leaving chips on the table or snatchin defeat from the jaws of victory. Hell no.

Remembering When is a daily lifestyle for me. I remember when I was set free from the Douglas County Jail for shopliftin after 13 days. I swore I was never doing that shit again. Not the shopliftin', I swore I wasn’t gonna due anymore time for bullshit crimes. If I’m doin time, I’m makin sure the crime is worth it. Remembering When for me is rememberin' to up my game and get paid by any means necessary but in a major way. This is the power, juice and money I’ve found in Remembering When.

That Haunting shit is for the birds. I ain’t Haunted by shit that I ain’t monetizin. I know grief, shame, humiliation, fear and regret. I know all that shit and then some cause I put and keeps that shit in the rear-view mirror. It can chase me all it wants but I ain’t lettin shit haunt me or take up space in my fuckin head that ain’t payin rent for occupyin time and attention in my life. Like I said, if it gettin my black ass paid, that Haunting shit is for them fuckin birds.

Expect A Miracle. I am a damn miracle and I expect to create miracles daily. When I get paid for the shit I been, that’s a miracle. When I find ways to keep motherfuckers from throwing shade on my action. that’s a miracle. We I get payback on people who’ve tried to fuck over me, I count that a miracle. Yep, I’m makin miracles every day. That theme is the story of my live. Expect A Miracle.

My Own Skin is about my monetization. My Own Skin is gettin a return on investment for all the shit I’ve experienced in my life. My Own Skin is being what I need to be to get paid without lettin other motherfuckers get the best of me. My Own Skin is enjoyin every minute of life that I can. My Own Skin is gettin mine and yours too if I get a chance. My Own Skin is livin my life without takin shit off others. My Own Skin is life with and in the pursuit of the bag and the damn means to achieve my fuckin dreams and aspirations. That for me is fuckin life in My Own Skin.

I ain’t playing no forgiveness games. You done something wrong you got some shit comein and you deal with the fucking consequences. Excuse me, but that’s fucking called life. Deal the fuck with that. Forgiveness is weak emotion I don’t luxury to let get in my way. I don’t need anybody’s fucking forgiveness or acceptance. I make my own fucking way and play by my own fucking rules. Rule number one is to look out for numero uno and if you step to me incorrect, I’m fresh out of forgiveness or acceptance but I do believe in and have some repercussions and consequences for your ass. That’s real talk and how everything in my world stays fucking ghetto fabulous. Just the way I like it

I’m not no damn Cornelius. I ain’t necessarily down with this Seeing Around Corners shit. Corners don’t mean shit to me, never have. Though I barely finished high school and wouldn’t have gotten into college if my old man weren’t on the faculty, I’ve been determined to be somebody and make something of myself since I came from the womb and by any and every means at my damn disposal. I liked drugs, alcohol and the honnies from grade school and I’ve always been down with gettin my hustle on. Like I told Kirk, that professional, priest shit is cool if we’s scoring and fucking getting paid. That for me is fucking Seeing Around Corners and how I see being somebody. If we ain’t making major moves or scores, hell we ain’t arrived; we ain’t doing shit. I’ve seen big shit in my future from the gitty.

When I’m rolling hard, I don’t have time to be worried about who I did or don’t want to be or who the hell accepts me. What the fuck people think of me doesn’t mean a damn thing to me. Acceptance to me is people accepting that if you get in my fucking way your ass is gettin run the fuck over. I want people to get my Higher Power didn’t put me on this damn earth to be nobody’s fucking doormat nor to take no Goddamn prisoners. Like those people In Kirk’s Rooms, I ain’t down with no damn causes and don’t like controversy unless it’s of my making. I ain’t here to take sides. I believe my God put me here to take the fuck over. You asked. This is what this fucking Acceptance shit looks like to me.

I was caught stealing from my grandmother’s home and business. Caught redhead handed with the money from the tavern cashbox in my pocket. My running buddies were in the car ready to hit it on my return with the cash when Sarge, my grandmother’s husband, rolled up on us. I was in the bathroom getting the cash out of the cashbox under the sink when there was this loud banging on the door and this thundering voice “...come out of there God-damnit. I know what the fuck you’re doing in there. Get out here now damn it...” This happened. There is no ‘If’ on this earth powerful enough to change that. No ‘If’ can change the fear I felt in that moment. No ‘If’ can change the shame I felt when I had to stand before my family admit what I had done, apologize and ask for forgiveness. There is no fucking ‘If’ powerful enough to change any of this shit.

Here’s the damn deal. I was baptized in the swimming pool at N.C. A&T State University, installed as a Student Minister and leader in the University Pentecostal Campus Fellowship. I have a Master of Divinity Degree and was Ordained an Episcopal Priest. But I also have a rap sheet the length your arm and should be doing a 5 to 10 stretch. I’d say this transformation shit ain't about just knowledge and transformation ain’t no damn spectator sport. I know from the University of the fucking Street you gotta be on the field making moves and Stealing Moves. Now, that shit is right up my alley.

Yesterday, I walked away from the damn Acura Dealership with a brand spanking new 2020 MDX. I have no credit to fucking speak of and yet, with the help of my partner in crime Lucy, I was able to purchase this vehicle in an 80% cash transaction. Ain’t that some shit? Buying a car and nearly paying cash for it may not be a Big fucking Deal to most folk. But, when you have no damn credit but and a rap sheet on Grand Theft Auto Charges across 5 States, completing a purchase like this shit, hell yea that’s a Big fucking Deal. You damn right; I know how big my Higher Power is.

I know a damn racist when I hear one.

"...Not a racist bone in my body..."

Any individual from the majority culture that utters that statement is a racist and that fuckin includes Joe Biden. What you Joe Biden think don't mean a damn thing. Be'in a racist in this bitch is like beauty, that shit is in the eye of the beholder or, in this case,  the feelings of the person from the minority culture who feels that way about your racist ass.

Fuck this bullshit about having to prove somebody is a damn racist. One can deny that shit all fuckin day. Racism ain't no damn fact. Racism is in the music of one's life in between the damn notes; it's in story of how one's life reads according to the got damn reader. Deny that shit all day. I don't give a damn. In my book, yo ass is still a racist.

I'll say it again an I stand by the statement and don't give a damn who don't like it

"...Not a racist bone in my body..."

Any individual from the majority culture that utters that statement is a racist and that fuckin includes Joe Biden.

BTW.

That foot Kamala Harris put in Biden’s ass at the most recent Democratic Presidential Debate underscores this got damn point!

‍

I received this lame damn offer to buyout a now bankrupt comedy spot here in H Town. When, the asshole running the damn joint was a live and kickin, he try to get greedy with the buyin numbers. Now he ain't got shit but rocks to kick and he’s in a fuckin mood to chop it up.

Brought in some other cats to hang wit on this deal. Wouldn't fucking listen to me. They didn't know shit like I fucking said but they took him for his damn money. Now he's all fuckin pissed off and playin that same old bullshit victim card.

Called me, so I went over there last weekend before they closed the doors. Walked in the joint, there sat at the front door a fuckin offerin box for donations to pay the damn staff there last check. Six months ago, he was takin in new investors. A month ago, he was talkin about openin another location.

Lyin Mother Fucker. Fuck it and him too. Next offer.

"...Great, lets get together like to see if you want to be a part of the business im still involved with...Very exciting We have all of our FDA approval and EPA approval. Looking for investment/investors from $150k to $2.2 million but we're going to be a billion dollar company,  will explain when it see you if you're interested..."

I may have been born yesterday but I stayed up all fuckin night. Do I look like some new kinda damn fool? You bring me some bullshit about some damn EPA and FDA approvals like I give a flyin fuck about that shit. Where them damn financials and the got damn business plan? Who else is involved and why the fuck would I mix my money with there shit. I don't know them mother fuckers or they damn people. They could be here today and in the wind tomorrow.

Damn, see the kinda shit mother fuckers be coming up with out here? Then, these assholes get smoked and mother fuckers ask stupid ass questions about what an the hell happened? Or, here they come with that bullshit "...What had happened was.." I ain't trying to hear none of that shit. Mother fucker want to do business with they better be coming correct. The real money talks. The rest of that shit is fucking pity pat and some nickel and dime bull shit damn chatter!!

I'm in a damn dispute with a vendor over money owed for services rendered. They don't fuckin get I don't negotiate. I'm workin with a weak ass subcontractor who wants to buckle under to pressure we're gettin from this asshole vendor. There's a good 100 thousand Gs at stake here.

I ain't givin them a damn penny more than we billed the client for the job. I told the Sub if I have to come out in field to speak on this because his weak-kneed ass can't handle it that's exactly what I'm telling them and if they don't like it they can kiss my black ass. His ass insists he wants me to come out there and help settle the damn matter.

Ya'll stay tuned. See if the next word is from Esteban behind bars behind this bullshit. Damn, I was just gettin in the grove of playin this shit straight. Sons of bitches!!

Hell yea, I have dealt drugs. I’ve committed grand theft auto and embezzled money. I make no apologies. I play the game of life by my own rules. I am getting to the top by any means necessary.

I am gettin rich or dyin tryin. Trust ya’ll are feelin me. If not…fuck it and ya’ll too! No Apologies.

I write my own damn script and will make my mark on this world come hell or high water. Ya'll can put a fuckin bourgeois dress on life if you want to. I take mine fuckin straight with no chaser. I'm wide eyed and clear. So-called justice is blind in the courthouse. But, out here that bitch can see. Keepin it 1000. It's a street thang. If I ain't cheatin, I ain't even fucking tryin and you can take that to the fuckin bank!

“You got to be crazy to think you can change the World with an idea in your head and a song in your heart" - MLK

You got damn right!

“…You one Crazy Dude Esteban, you one crazy dude…”

So wonderful and so wretched at the same time. And they’re all about that got damn paper. Now, dat’s what I’m fuckin talk’n bout. Let that damn transformation stuff happen on the way to da bank!

“…If they can't use the story of their struggle for mega evil as well as mega good, they ain’t no BadAss and they ain't no kind of fuckin SuperHero…” - Fr. Esteban

"...If we ain't printing money, we ain't doing shit..." - Fr. Esteban

Wrecked America. Where the names of the BadAsses have been changed to protect the guilty. Be BAD. You got damn right!!

"...Damn right I like the life I live because I've gone from negative to positive..." - Notorious B.I.G.

The next big talent acquisition. I’ll promote their record or show and we’ll share in the profits. That’s a win-win if I ever seen one.  Now who’s ready to see the Damn Money? This is a game-changing move to change history and overcome them damn debilitating voices of self-hating niggerization. Haters and doubters be damned. Tired of being denied. Tired of dancing to other people’s music. I’m making it happen. I’m gettin to the top or die trying.

“…You one Crazy Dude Esteban, you are one crazy dude…”

‍

While lookin’ for my next big talent acquisition a great idea hit me. Anybody out there with a good—no scratch that—a great idea for a show and has the balls to create a pilot episode, send that shit to info@wreckedamerica.com and I’ll post it in Wrecked America. If the people of Wrecked America dig it, I’ll offer you a contract to become a Wrecked America character where you produce your own show.

Your show could be as simple as something shot on your cell phone but just make sure it looks good.  I don’t want no preschool lookin’ shit. This is your show so, do what you want.  There are no boundaries in Wrecked America…hell, the more taboo the better.  I’ll promote, you record and we’ll share in the profits. That’s a win-win if I’ve ever seen one.  Now who’s ready to see the Damn Money?

What you need to know about me is "I ain’t nothing if not consistent; show me the damn money."  It might be time to take a crack at playing it straight, or at least transforming the hustle.  But how?  I like entertainment, but Houston already has too many strip clubs.  What I need to do is recruit a team that is down with entertainment to get the money flowing.  I see myself as a visionary lookin’ to capitalize on America's insatiable need to be entertained.  But what I’m doing is slipping the medicine in the hamburger meat.  I want to open the minds of this generation to the endless possibilities that lay before them…and stack a few coins in the process.

Indictments handed down in largest College Academic Cheating Scandal. Nothing new here. It’s called the GREEN of Higher Education in America.

There’ll be a lotta hand wringing no doubt. But, this shit will continue unabated, business as usual. It’s the American Way—If you ain’t cheating you ain’t trying.

Trying are the brothers and sisters of Color in America who are forced to trade the prime years of their athletic talents on the altar of amateur status for a piece of paper and a ticket to future draft lotteries. Cheating are hypocritical plantation academic institutions who pimp these young people out while they rake in billions in TV Revenue off the backs of their hard labor and then have the audacious mendacity to act like they are out raged cause of a few of their elite donors and they kids go rogue and break off some of dis cheating action for themselves. Give me a F'n break.

This so-called Biggest Academic College Cheating Scandal in History ain’t nothing, to quote my Man X, but “...the Chickens coming home to Roost...”  

#StoptheBS Support Fr. Esteban for President in 2020 for real Justice for All in America and a New World Order. Comment. Follow. Blog. Share!

All charges dropped against Smollett.

What? Are you F'ing kiddin me? What happened to all the bluster and fanfare with which the DA announced the charges, citing the extent to which Smollett's action in this charade were to leverage more money out the network for his staring role on the hit TV Show Empire.

What? Smollett's actions, they said, were so very injurious to law bidding citizens who got dissed in the process for real crimes perpetrated while the police were busy tending to Smollett's bullshit. It was a hate crime. No, it was an anti-gay incident. Stupid ass Presidential Candidate Kamala Harris call this a "modern-day lynching." What up? Holmes, yaw just got cat-fished by the system that purports to give a damn about Justice.

What? All charges dropped. Yep. And Smollett dropped the mic of that $10,000 in bail bond money on the City that usually goes back to the defendant when charges get dropped. Believe me I know.

Move along people. Nothing to see here. Same bullshit different day. All you need to know is this be America. The fake news, another victim story and the weapons of mass distraction continue. Wake the F up. Justice is for Sale. Now move the hell along!

Look at the Paul Manafort Sentence my People. Was I wrong? Hell no! This is America and Justice is for Sale.

All the so-called outrage that Manafort got off with a slap on the wrist. "...What a mockery this light sentence he received makes of the Justice System...This proves White Collar Criminals get deferential treatment in America..." Nah. White Collar, Blue Collar or Orange Collar, the Collar and Color that matters in America is GREEN!!! Come on People. Wake the hell up. This ain't nothing new.

Don't be hoodwinked. Don't get bamboozled. I spent more time in high school detention than Manafort will spend in prison for his numerous felonies. If you're a person of color in this country, you too can Game the System. Just be sure to have plenty of GREEN in your pocket to cover any other color. That's what time it is. Don't like it? Find it unjust, unfair and even offensive? Tired of there being Justice in America just because you have money in your pocket?

Stop the BS. Support Fr. Esteban for President in 2020 for real Justice for All in America and a New World Order. Comment. Follow. Blog. Share!

(Seated. Eyes closed. Head leaning back in deep thought about the past and what’s next. A stream of consciousness begins to flow over him. Esteban is smoking this over.)

It might be time to take a crack at playing it straight, or at least transforming the hustle. But, how? You like entertainment, Nah, Houston already has too many strip clubs (a smile) I need to recruit a crew that is down with entertainment to get the money flowing.

What about some of da finest in entertaining, capital raising and celebrity endorsed deals in the world? (Damn, you’re good). A grand vision. A move to change history and change my damn history. I’m tired of riding second chair to Kirk. I am the visionary of this duo (smile). Have been and, hell. always will be.

(But here they come; the voices. I can just hear’em) “…But he’s dealt drugs. He’s been convicted of shoplifting. He’s been convicted of grand theft auto...” Yea, I hear’em, heard’em before, them damn debilitating voices of self-hating niggerization. Haters and doubters be damned. Tired of being denied. Tired of dancing to other people’s music and just ‘f-ing’ getting by. I’m making it happen. I’m gettin to the top or die trying.

It’s time. Don’t want to kick Kirk loose but I need to find a new crew to run wit on this move. I’m makin it happen. (Make it happen Esteban).

Eyes open. (Characteristically beautiful smile comes over his face, stands to his feet) You one Crazy Dude Esteban, you are one crazy dude!

All this talk about me and my Gangster Proclivities. Hell, without me, there'd be no Fr. Kirk cause Steve Kirk would never have gotten out of Kalamazoo. I declared we're blowing this popsicle stand college or no damn college. West Coast here we come.

We know how to deal, and deal we will, drugs that is. Jobs, jobs come a dime a dozen. Hell, we came from the womb taking what we want and have never and will never let anything stand in the way, including family. Embezzlement from the family business was the move that funded our high school drug and criminal enterprises. And, where did Kirk's playin' sports and halfhearted attempts at studies back then get us? Nowhere.  Surprise. Hell no!!

LA, City of Angels, here we come. Time to find some new Kats to kick't wit. Shit, factory work and more half-hearted attempts at studying and the academics… This ain't what I was banking on. Nuf of this 9 to 5 shit. That's alright. I saw to it we have enough cheese banked for an exit tour stage south. Time to head south. Time for Jim Crow to get a taste of the Esteban (Lololol)

College, that was one of my greatest moves. After almost flunking out and that assault situation, I cut out with all the extracurricular action with the hunnies, man that shit hurt, so Kirk could finish strong, Magna Cum Laude, do his religious thing and get into Yale.

By the way, I got the damn money to get Kirk thru Yale including that Episcopal Church hustle with the year of studies abroad thrown in for good measure. When I run an institutional number, I know how to get us paid. Kirk may like hanging out with them bourgeois folks but I am about doors that open and gettin us paid and then on to the next hustle no matter what goes down. That be how we roll!

So many hustles over the years; not enough time to out-'em all. Damn, is Kirk here, does he have his health, have we done any time in the joint, have I not found a way to turn the shit, the mess, Kirk has been thru, into new hustles for getting us paid? Well?? Gangster Proclivities be damned. I been making the moves, this BS yaw call hurts, habits and hang ups, to keep him rolling and us getting paid for 29 years and got plenty more to make before I'm done. You doubt me, kiss my ass but watch me smoke'm!

Time to deliver on the promise of my Grand Vision.

“...Breaking News: Fr. Esteban is running for President in 2020...”

My Platform: Criminal Justice Reform and Justice for All.

Justice is for sale in America and I can prove it. Look at my record and explain why I have never been sentenced to anything other than the fact that my black ass had money in my pocket to buy my way out of harms way. Elect Esteban President for Justice for all in America!

I say damn Kamila Harris, Eric Holder or any another Uncle Tom who would seek the votes of Black Men having spent a life time locking up Brothers and people of Color for the same crimes that white folk with money in their pockets, like I had, committed and got off scott-free. With Money in your pocket, you be free in America.

Vote for Fr. Esteban for President in 2020 for real Justice in America and a New World Order!